#I need these two have sex already
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#I need these two have sex already#pls let me see it#NEED IT NOW#ship name is#主キタ#persona 3#makoto yuki#P3R#p3 reload#P3P#p3 portable#kitahamu#P3PxP3R
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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for this mood board monday, i present yet another ficboard. the board in question is of franka by @ongreenergrasses
#PLEASE let me explain myself#so the first pic (top left corner) is meant to parallel the third pic (top right corner)#because they’re both slow dancing pics BUT i feel like the first pic is more desperate and looks more like an attempt at comfort#which i felt like fit into chapter two. whereas third pic is a nod to all the dancing they did at the wedding in ch1#then the second pic is a reference to how snow called on the phone. wanted it to be dark and shady#dark academia if u will#but i also thought the pearls were nice d4 touch#then the fourth pic is a reference to the shower scene in ch2#then the fifth pic was me trying to encapsulate the intimacy of ch1’s sex scene#then the sixth pic is just how i imagine they were at ch1’s wedding#like imagine ur a wedding guest and u look over at odesta and they’re just like O.O at each other#seventh pic: canned peaches >> fresh peaches. ik this prob wasn’t a very accurate pic#but the other options were like. grocery store stock images#eighth pic: annie after ch1 tbh. next pic: a reference of their meeting w snow. rose isn’t on fire *yet*#then the next two pics were me being fake as fuck that’s why they’re the smallest LMAO#like in ch1 finnick carries annie when they’re already inside and the slit in annie’s dress has already been sewn up#but the mental image of finnick carrying her was scute. if only the dress didn’t have the slit!!!#but also it’s a reference to finnick being a Leg Person?? fucking based tbh#i rlly wanted to do the sun persists in rising but imma have to hold off until it’s finished so the vibes are optimal#anywayyy sorry for yet another long tagged post i just felt like this one needed a lot of explaining#odesta#annie cresta#mood board monday
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Neeeeeeeeed to be a dumb mutt again i think. Need to make mistakes and not understand basic things and instead of getting yelled at i just get a condescending look and accomodations. Next time i eat so fast i feel sick or try to save the best bite of food for last i need someome to put that shit in those scary spiky dog bowls that make it harder for your dog to eat so fast they throw up. Smiel
#raunchy rabble#nsft puppy#okay smile now the rest of these tags are me whining and going wahhhh wahhhh#im a pussy yes the withdrawal isnt that bad yes i know i promise idk why im being such a bitch#anyways i take effexor and i take two capsules. one big (75) and one thats half the size#i forgot to order the big size so today i was on a third of my dose#and i was already feeling bad due to sleep issues and food problems and depression etc#so it was just wrecking my shit and im at the sorta apex rn#and the worst part is its making me really atupid in the not fun sex way i keep forgetting things or being unable to understand basic shit#and ots scary for me and last time i experiencef effexor withdrawal my dad got mad at me for how much help i needed#'its just withdrawal its not cancer' or something but i have a headache and brain zaps and hot flashes and nausea and i cant think#and its just scary and upsetting to me rn. ALSO! this week i was gonna have my belated birthday dinner and if that got ruined bc of this???#its the one personal thing i got for my birthday and its late because my DAD felt too bad due to his own withdrawals to go!#anyways i decided to take extra of my small pills to make up for it bc i was gonna lose it#which worst case scenario means later im gonna have to do double the withdrawal time while takin 2/3rd my dose#better than half at 1/3rd my dose to me
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so there's this character. i always thought he looked kinda stupid and i never found him attractive. but, uh....
... has he always been this handsome?!
#ash rambles 💚#AM I COOKED?!#and so what if we have the same favorite flower? so what if he plays video games like i do?#and so fucking what if he loves superhero movies and comics like i do?!#please no please tell me this isn't happening rn... no no I'm not gonna develop a crush on him NO!!!#i already have so many f/os from y.akuza! i don't need another!!!!#he's totally not my type!!!!!#... his voice is nice..#i bet cuddling him would feel good...#...#ASH NO#it's 2am. i need to sleep. yup. surely this is just me being sleepy and stupid. I'm too embarrassed to say who it is but. stupid idiot guy-#I'll be fine when i wake up. surely.#... I've been saying that for the past two days...#i refuse to develop a crush!!!!!!!!!! i already have a thing for s.eonhee and n.anba. i don't need another y.akuza LAD character goddamnit#i don't want him i swear#i just... don't remember him being so easy on the eyes is all....#also earlier today i took a nap. it was such a good nap. but uh.........#hopefully it was just a coincidence that i slept so well only after i talked about him to my friend...#I'm gonna go to bed. please leave my mind you damn idiot! i just... he's just.... more handsome than i thought......... that's it!!!!!!!#i already have like 10+ y.akuza f/os! I'm done! no more!!!!#if you saw me rbing shit of him on my main a few days ago no you didn't!!!! this is just a phase surely!!!#and i mean come on i haven't played his games yet!#i do find his lookalike in y6 very hot but come on! shirtless guy who runs a sex club? is rich asf? plenty violent? of course I'm into that!#he's so fucking hot omg. UGH AND THE EPIC THEME SONG?? hehe i was giggling so much when he made that comment about how he knows damn well#that ladies love a man covered in blood and then started fighting... hehe.. i know what club I'm spending all my money at...#but this other guy that happens to look just like him? he's just a silly nice guy that likes his video games (ignore the crimes) I'm not#about that!!!! the other one is way hotter!!! and surely i wont fall for this guy!!! I'm gonna play y.akuza 7 and 8 and be normal about him#i just... he's... easy on the eyes! thats it! okay! goodnight!!!
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Struggling so hard to make the designs for the performing dragons im not that smarttt
#dragon lore theyre probably aliens. i mean all the species are since thats not earth but theyre alien aliens#everyone agrees theyre not one of the Intelligent Species but theyre cool i mean we dont even see them that much#theres no humans in this setting but the dragons have human hands and feet#and leg wings#it works thats not the part of their design im struggling with#idk how their symbiosis w the rainforests work yetttt#also a group of dragons is called a performance. but also a group of dragons is only two. you'll only ever see dragons in a pair#and during their performance#nobody knows what the fuck those are for. fight for territory? sex dance? theyre bored? how it works is that theyll meet on a clearing#(not sure if the animals arrive first or if theyre already there waiting for them)#and then they'll get up in two legs and dance! kinda#its like half dance half pretending to be the other's mirror but no ones quite sure who's mirroring who#the loser gets eatenn i think#they also have big ass crests tgat are giving me so much pain and grief and these change color like octopus skin#i need my pc please please please please#talk tag#rouxinol
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discovery of the day
#im sorry i do Not see what everyone sees in this movie. although from the years of browsing the internet ive began to realize#that i actually dont know if people actually like the movie or not#why is everything so rushed#their romance felt like nothing to me because i dont KNOW what they see in eachother#listen you dont have to tell me straight up into the camera why they love eachother#but the aggressive kissing and cut sex scenes arent telling me much#i get that it came out in 2005 but cutting mostly every gay sex scene? even the kissing for the most part?#but oh we NEED to see this happy husband and wife doing it. yes im bitter#a german movie by the name of summer storm came out the year before this one and actually shows something that feels like actual passion#i sound like i need to see people doing it in these movies all the time I promise thats not it#but even the kissing? the thing i Actually like the most? the thing that makes me feel things? felt like nothing at all#and oh i forgot that this is a tragic gay movie where one of them dies. Oh yeah. forgot.#mentioning summer storm again: it actually has a relatively happy ending. feels good that i dont need to be reminded of how gay people are#doomed 24/7.#the romance started good. with jack telling the guy whos name i already forgot to get his ass in the tent already.#the Pulling his arm over my body thing. it was going great#THEN IT WENT SO FAST! WHY WAS HE SUDDENLY SO INTO IT! WHY WERE THEY BOTH SUDDENLY DOING IT#im sorry i expected a slighter slow burn than this!!! calm down cowboys i have no idea why you two like eachother all of the sudden!#i seriously thought they would show these little moments of tension#and it just growing bigger and bigger#until they couldnt take it anymore#that would explain the aggressiveness of it! why they were so desperate! but it literally just HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!#im sorry i. I expected more of this movie that i hear so much about.#the most it made me feel was at that moment that turned into a meme where i thought “Hop on fortnite”#chuckled. that was it. did i cry? did my heart race at any moment? was i worried about what was gonna happen? not Once#im so. Disappointed.#after this i wanted to watch summer storm but netflix removed it. Its a german only movie no one knows from 2004. where the hell am i gonna#🏴☠️ that#AAAGHHHH!!!!!!!#not being able to watch summer storm made me cry more than this movie did What the hell
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Sometimes working through religious trauma is a heartfelt hour talking about reclaiming your bodily autonomy after being sexualized and shamed from a young age with your religious trauma coach and other times it's this text message from your therapist then a caption suggestion to "show my tumblr friends":
#for context my therapist is jewish#and he likes to point how Jesus was too but JC's whole story is only really told from a christian perspective#basically saying I don't have to conform or suffer for someone else's narrative#and y'all already know 'gayboy' is my favorite thing to call Jesus 'gayboy' Christ#so naturally he combined the two#But I had a great conversation about childhood neglect with my religious trauma coach today#And how overcontrolled my body was as a whole#from my hair to my health#everything was a sign of my sin somehow#even when I first got acne I had an intense fear that people would think I was having sex or dirty somehow#because my family constantly pointed out my acne#and my church at the time's girls' group taught us girls that had oral sex had acne around their lips#My medical needs were neglected#my autism was ignored or punished#etc etc#and this conversation was right after the texts from my therapist#I mean literally mins before#my car broke down so uh that's fun#and I had to switch from an in person to virtual appointment with my therapist for tomorrow#and he was like 'uh no this actually a punishment from The Lord. jk lol yeah I'll send you the telehealth link now'#and I was like 'I called Jesus 'gayboy' too many times and now I'm in Hell (my schools' shuttle system 🤢)'#[he graduated from the school i'm currently in undergrad for so hes seen the decline in our shuttle system's quality.#Ive been left for using a walker and told 'glad Im not as bad as you yet' when in a wheelchair]#and that lead to this message as well as the caption he wanted in quotes under it and ^ for tumblr#he calls yall 'my little tumblr friends'#hes so Offline I love this man#I told him tumblr will love it so yall better not make me a liar /j#this was so much information I hope y'all enjoy my lil journal entry for the day <333#ex christian#religious trauma
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I'm like if a guy constantly wanted his interests to be bigger but also hated whenever someone misinterprets them. Sighhh.
#luly talks#implying heiter would just Have Sex... pft! shameful...#it always upsets me like especially when its non con like man#literally we have 3 movies the other two guys already do that my man is Not having sex#unless the post i just saw implies he's the one getting fucked by his creation which is like. raises eyebrow. I'd be more willing to hear#i miss seeing him and howe do weird gay shit tho i need to go back to thag
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Ngl I've been having a gender crisis again on top of all the stuff that's happened with my dad, I think I still identify as male/masculine idk 🗿
Same with my ace/aro spectrum placement ☝️🗿
#comet rambles#putting in queue to deploy later#parent loss tw#just in case by association n implications ☝️🗿/nm+gen#when i get stuff set up with my checking account i was already thinking of getting a new chest binder once our personal issues with finance#has been figured out definitely#i dont wanna say much n jinx stuff so ill leave it at that#personal#gender shit is hard n i really think i may be a he/they or he/him still#or if not then closeted butch lesbian idk#most signs point to male gender identity leaning though 😔👍#also my social battery is outta wack but i needed to get this out so i apologize to anyone who i have yet to respond to/gen+nm 🥹#like i genuinely still feel as though ive been born in the wrong body and i tried to accept my feminity and it went well!!#like i started embracing my femininity the past few years and now i think im over it because it feels like i just attempted to try#and be something i wasn't if that makes any sense#i hate being referred to as she/her or as a girl even if i understand some people will still see me as fem despite my personal identity etc#its not that i hate my femininity its just i feel anything but female while still enjoying traditionally fem stuff at times#hope this makes sense#🗿👍#still ace/aro though just cant figure out if i only enjoy the thought of romance (cupiosexual/romantic) or if i feel comfy in one#i know im sex repulsed though thats for certain#as of lately chris Redfield and Albert Wesker have become two of my transition goals and idk what to do about this lmfao#i wish i was kidding#but im not 😭#sitting here like EVA shinji with his head in his hands in the damn chair image/lh#also wanna be a rootin tootin goth cowboy 🥰#if it turns out im like a comphet butch/nb lesbian im gonna shit myself though/lh+nm
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been thinking SO much about the gang war arc and what shipwreck and sharky might come out of it looking like. thresher's a maniac so of course there's gonna be some scars. these concepts go hard though
#gangs bay#you KNOW these two be taking good care of each other after all the fights they get into#either way this idea of a slightly shorter-haired boat has been floating around in my head a bit for a while#nice to finally have a use for it lol. either way it was less of an Idea and more of a weird quirk in visualization that i thought id apply#sometimes what a man needs is trauma and sex appeal. sometimes they go hand in hand#sharky already had both of those. he just ended up getting more lmao
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Thinking of how stupid 2bjeb is again… at this late hour…
#Listen to my problems#those two old men fucking hated everything about each other and they still had sex every time they could#one of them is a gamer and the other is a christian and they are among the most sexually compatible in the series but also like. i cannot#emphasise enough that they hate literally everything about the other. they dont agree with the others lifestyle choices#2bdamned is a sex criminal and jebediah is homophobic their bladders are incontinent and even though they hate each other jeb still wants to#get married and 2bdamned like. thinks its kind of cute but also extremely funny and its so stupid …#like yeah hes the only man jeb has ever loved but also hes degenerate and straight up evil and fucking everybody else in the series and#every time he tries to have a conversation with him he ends up heartbroken and filled with even more self righteous anger and dislike for#him and yeah every time jeb argues he starts talking about how his experiments area blight on humanity and an affront to god and then 2b#says something snarky back and jeb acts like hes been spat on and kicked because yeah hes a hypocrite and hes only alive to complain about#2bs methods because he was saved by them.#but also he literally has a soft spot for him because theyre gay lovers and also divorced as hell and every time he sends a text out to jeb#he thinks its a bootycall and tells himself he wont go when hes already stepping out the door#okay get me out of here i need to go back to sleep#there are some unseen forces conspiring to prevent me from sleeping … and to give me acid reflux
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why can't twenty year old men be normal about the object of their attraction if they are feminine in the slightest
#elyan vents#by twenty I mean in that range#I have never met a guy who is normal to me at this age range (or in general) it's all sex sex sex sex and I am going to fuckign throw-#a hissy fit if you don't talk to me 24/7 and call me everynight#I talked to this guy for two nights and he is already like. yes. I want you. we should call everynight and I need you#I just want a friendship that doubles as a relationship#or a slowburn. a real slowburn that is genuine and I don't feel forced into#I don't even want a relationship right now :( I just wanted a friend from him
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I am not doing well. I am fucked up. It's really hard to hold onto any shred of optimism for me at the moment so ... Idk if people have cute things to show me or nice things to say that'd be really, really appreciated.
#kerytalk#spam my inbox#reblog or whatever#I'm really hoping to see the point in sticking around#i need to be reminded of the good and love out there because I am not feeling it anymore#I'll keep myself safe i promise i just cant admit myself to a psych ward either anymore becauss i found out we only have#mixed sex mental health wards in this ass backwards country which have a stupidly high rate of assault#i was in one two years ago but managed to get myself stable in two days and I hate realising i was lucky#like I felt uncomfortable as someone autistic in the ward already#but finding that out has terrified me and I dont know whether i could be safe in one anymore#please send me pet pics or cute stories#or just things you'd think I'd like#I'd really fucking appreciate it#depression tw#i guess#sorry
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okay but the problem is. and the reason i don't actually id as ace. is that i have. ya'know. been sexually attracted to people before. two. to be specific.
#okay so in hs i thought i was demi which ik is on the ace spectrum#but there were some flaws in that logic. those namely being. i had never actually been attracted to someone before.#in hs okay. you need to hear me out on this. in hs i was doing like. compulsive bisexuality??#i figured out i was queer but didn't know how really so i was randomly picking all sorts of crushes. not just guys like anyone.#which is why fun fact to this day i still don't know how many people i've actually ever had a crush on lmao bc i'd even lie in my diaries#but i know some of them were real but it was just like. a little romantic attraction.#and everyone i had a crush on (real or fake for the most part) i was friends w so demi whatever.#BUT THEN. 2019. the unthinkable happens. dan howell comes out and i realize i'm a dyke.#it didn't actually happen exactly in that order but it's funnier to explain it that way.#anyway. like a week later i met the second hottest person i've ever seen in my life ever.#side note i'd already met the hottest but i have Sieve Brain and i genuinely don't remember how that went at all in the slightest#so the second hottest will have to do as my point of reference forgive me#anyway before i even knew her name. Salivating. insane.#and to this day i've still only been attracted to those two people. not even celebrities.#i don't know what “celebrity crush” means and at this point i'm too afraid to ask.#but i feel like i'm fairly old to have only wanted to. like. fuck two people. that seems like a low number. i don't know how this works.#and it's not demi if i didn't get to know them first right?#ace people explain y'all are smarter than me real#but it literally is still like i don't understand you people and your. sex. why are you like that.#rachel rants
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FINISHED TRAILS TO AZURE OUGH......... IT'S SO GOOD!!!!!!! I LOVE MY DAUGHTER KEA BANNINGS-HEMISPHERE-LOU-MACDOWELL-ORLANDO-PLATO-SEAKER!!!!!!
#my final verdict is that Elie and Mariabell should have evil gay sex!!#instead of the regular gay sex they were having before#also getting the SSS last names in alphabetical order was a chore#part of me thinks I should have added Maclaine for the bit#since we see Arios with Lloyd and KeA in the credits#but he's already a dad he doesn't need another kid#anyways I'm jumping straight into Cold steel three#I have no way to play one and two#so I have watched the lady vergilla full story summary so that'll be enough probably
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